Abuse is Not Entertainment

Has anyone else been watching this Kim/Kanye disaster unfold on social media? Not for my own entertainment purposes of course, but because I’m genuinely worried for her. None of it is amusing. Look, I’ll be the first to admit that I am not a Kardashian fan in general. I don’t see where this family makes any contribution to society or any valuable art or entertainment. That is an opinion. What is not an opinion: Kim is a human being and is still suffering through an abusive relationship, even though she has left it. Imagine. A woman manages to get out and is still tortured. He bought a house across the street from her. A little much, but OK, he wants to be near their children. The grand gestures after being told she’s no longer interested. The attempts at sabotaging her current relationship because he wants her back. Sharing their personal relationship issues (one-sided, of course) and private conversations on social media. Wow. Just wow. This man, with unlimited power and influence, cannot leave her alone and, for those of us who have seen the straight line of progression that abuse takes, it’s pretty terrifying to witness. In the public eye, no less.

It’s made me wonder, what would my parents’ relationship have looked like in the age of social media? I can promise you this: there is no way my mother would have been “allowed” to have social media accounts, at least not without my father having access to them. Would her friends have been able to notice a pattern? Might she have gotten help? Who knows, but the age of technology adds a whole new avenue for abusive relationships to progress, as well as provides a window for friends and family to notice problematic trends. Good and bad, I suppose. The difference is, Kim has money. And body guards. She’s in quite a bit better shape.

In some ways, I feel like we are so inundated with famous peoples’ messed up lives that we don’t even know what a healthy relationship looks like. Let me help you out. In our thirteen years of being married and almost twenty years of being together, my husband has never, not once, been disrespectful to me. Never once has he put me down or insulted me during a disagreement. Never has he thrown my past in my face. Hell, he’s never even asked me how many men I’ve slept with. He said it’s none of his business. And it’s not. He leaves me alone when I want to be left alone and doesn’t act all pouty because he’s insecure and needs attention. I can go where I want. His masculinity is not threatened when I get a raise or a promotion. In fact, if there’s a time when I’m going for something bigger career-wise, he will help me update my resume and practice interviewing with me. Love is not holding someone back, but working together to become better versions of yourselves. It’s not control, but trust. Having interests and friends outside of each other. Love is rooting for each other to succeed, because the family unit is that much stronger when you are both happy with yourselves as individuals.

There are a million other little things. But, ladies of the internet, I would like you to comment below on what your healthy relationship looks like. Even something small. Because a truckload of roses on Valentine’s Day, after you’ve been told to stop, is not it. And I think some women out there need to hear it.