Like many of you, I’m still struggling to process the events of yesterday. The posts are numerous and are completely consuming social media, and I totally understand if you want to skip this one. But, I drove to work so incredibly angry and despondent this morning, and angrily stabbing my keyboard is probably more productive than punching a wall that I’ll just have to pay to fix. Plus, I own the site, so I can do what I want. If you don’t like swearing, turn back now. You see, this morning was slightly out of the ordinary; the kids had dentist appointments this morning, so instead of putting them on the bus, I had to sign them into school late. I think just walking into a school set me off maybe. We had to be buzzed in, which is something I guess, but that’s the extent of the safety measures. One of my kids went in with two backpacks, one for school and one for soccer. There could have been anything in there. Not that I want my kids going to school in an army barracks. Nor do I think teachers with Master’s Degrees in education should be armed and expected to protect their students when trained officers couldn’t manage it yesterday. Alas, I watched them bound off to their classrooms and, for just a second, allowed myself to wonder if I would ever see them again. Because it happened just yesterday, and copycats are a thing. I had to rock out to Motley Crue on the drive to work to make my brain stop imagining the worse.
The truth is, even before yesterday, I would breathe a huge sigh of relief when we reached that point in the evening where every single family member was home for the night. My husband and I both have jobs where we could easily be a target on any given day (I can’t believe I just said “easily”) and the kids go to school, obviously. After losing almost everyone I love at a young age, I know that I’m more prone to anxiety about losing my humans than the average Joe, but still, my heart breaks for families with children and teachers today. Because I know what they’re feeling and they are fucking rock stars for just making it through the day.
So, what is the answer? I don’t know, man. I’m feeling pretty disillusioned about the whole thing and everyone involved. Within minutes of finding out that fourteen children (it’s more now) were shot in their classroom yet again, I saw political posts. Left, right, guns, no guns. Like, are you fucking kidding me? Just stop with the politics at least until all of the parents know if their children are dead or alive. Have a little respect. And please seek help for your astounding lack of empathy. I cried watching the news, I cried during President Biden’s speech, which I think is an actual normal, human reaction, and then I thought it was a good idea to watch the series finale of This Is Us directly after. Great idea.
In the light of the day after, my sadness turned to anger. Why do we keep allowing this to happen? My oldest was two when Sandy Hook happened and I thought, this can’t possibly happen again. No way. They will fix this. This is too many dead Kindergarteners. Nope. Nothing. I sometimes wonder if I would have had children at all if I REALLY knew at the time what kind of world I’d have to raise them in. But, it isn’t the world, is it? It’s just here. In the good ol’ US of A. What’s the difference? Why just us? Why, in the richest and supposedly best country in the world, is this our thing? The thing we are known for? Well, gun laws, sure. It would deter some, but not stop it entirely. But with our weak politicians in the pocket of the gun lobby, I have never been hopeful. What is most infuriating to me is that we pay an obscene amount of taxes and get virtually nothing out of it. The whole point of taxation is to take care of the citizens. Twelve percent of Americans live in poverty, a line that is pretty arbitrary anyway given the cost of housing and healthcare mixed with stagnant, poverty level wages. Healthcare that only people with money can afford. Whenever there’s another mass shooting, the pro-gun folks shout mental health from the rooftops. OK, I’m with you. I really am, but then their politicians immediately shoot down any attempt at giving our citizens healthcare. They want all the babies to be born, but vote against legislation that will help to feed them or, god forbid, maybe keep just some of them from getting killed in their classrooms. It’s bonkers and I can’t make any sense of it. So far, our answer has been to train the kids. Active shooter drills. Teach them how to barricade the door and curl up into a ball under their desk. Teach them to distract the gunman so others can get away, basically sacrificing themselves for their little friends. What in the actual fuck? Why are kids put in charge of being the band aid because the adults can’t get their shit together?
We have a gun problem. That’s part of it. It’s a weird cultural obsession. Mostly, we have an angry male problem. There is so much that needs to be done to solve this that it’s overwhelming and it all feels so hopeless, but doing nothing is not working. It would be super awesome, though, if we could put some adults in charge to actually do their jobs and legislate, rather than just follow the money. For now, I’m allowed to be angry. And so are you. Sending love to every teacher who went to work today.
Let's Be Dramatic 